Introduction
Have you been introduced to the world of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, aka DBT and wondered what the heck “dialectic” means? Well, you’re not alone so today I’m going to make it easy-peasy to understand.
Simply put, dialectics means “blending seemingly opposing forces into one harmonious whole,” Conider the concepts of acceptance and change, they seem to oppose each other, right? Either accept something, or change it? Dialectics is that hack that lets you find the sweet spot where opposites combine and reach a harmonious middle ground.
Either/Or Thinking
When you engage in either or thinking, like above, your mind feels a bit trapped fighting back and forth to determine ‘which one is the right one?’ The fancy, psychological name for this kind of thinking (all/nothing, either/or) is dichotomous thinking. Basically, it tricks us into believing it’s extreme position offers safety, control, and certainty. Sneaky little devil, right?
But here’s the truth: that fleeting relief you feel is nothing more than that – fleeting! Instead of feeling clarity, you’re left with persistent internal battles, questioning what to decide, fearing the dreaded “wrong,” and desperately clinging to your chosen side. Talk about exhausting! Dialectical thinking is the antedote to this “mental mayhem!”
Self-Trust & Dialectical Thinking
Dialectical thinking works because it honors and acknowledges to value or truth in both sides. It’s like a validation party where everyone gets their turn to shine because no one has to ‘pick a side.’ It relies on the foundation of “both can be true” and values even small nuggets of truth in each position. It does this by finding the “middle path”. 🎉
It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything that’s being said. It simply means both sides are acknowledged. It invovles feeling heard and perspectives being acknowledged. Validation is about understand how another person got to their spot, even if you don’t agree with it.
As you hone in on this technique, a remarkable transformation takes place. You start building self-awareness, self-trust, and confidence, and all that builds inner peace because you’re not fighting inside yourself. Farewell, all/nothing thinking; hello, newfound serenity!
Harmony Amidst Differences
So, how do you actually practice the art of dialectics and find harmony amidst the chaos? It’s time to harness your inner private investigator and search for those hidden nuggets of truth in both positions. One major clue…the word “and” instead of “or” or “but.” That’s the secret ingredient that binds opposites together!
Here are some handy tips to level up your dialectical game:
🌟 Rephrase and reframe – identify rigid positions or words and substitute with more rational realities. Instead of “always,” what might the actual percentage be?
🌟 Discover the underlying beliefs and desires fueling those statements. Where did that belief come from? How taught that to you? What truly matters to you?
🌟 Let your dialectical statement be longer than the either/or statement. Challenge that brain of yours to embrace multiple perspectives.
The See-Saw of Dialectical Thinking
You know what a see-saw is, right – the playground apparatus where two people sit on each end of a lever with the folcrum point in the middle? The people on each each have to work together to balance the movement up and down. Well, that’s the same mental process of dialectical thinking! Because this is where the rubber hits the road, I provide two examples of how dialectics balances things out.
Dichotomous statements: “Crying is a sign of weakness”
Dialectical statements: “Hey, crying is normal response to overwhelm, and I can let my emotions out to receive healthy support. Getting support isn’t weak, it means I’m human.”
Dichotomous statements: “I’m either a total success or I’ve failed.”
Dialectical statements: “I can both succeed and fail at something. Sometimes I stumble, and that’s okay because it’s part of adjusting and growing.”
Want to Learn More?
If this has piqued your interest, and you’d like to learn more about dialectics and how it can elevate and change your thinking and actions, join me! Explore my Kairos Transformation coaching services. As an Intensively Trained DBT provider, I sprinkle dialectics throughout all my content and services. Together, we’ll join in a journey of self-discovery, growth, and healing through the use of dialectics.
Conclusion
In a world where either/or thinking reigns supreme, dialectics emerges as the ultimate disruptor and harmonizer. The harmony will empower you to meld acceptance and change into a harmonious whole, finding peace within yourself and fostering healthier relationships with others. Say goodbye to the rigidness of dichotomous thinking and say hello to a world of self-trust, expanded truths, and personal growth.
Are you ready to balance on the see-saw with me? Learn more about working with me on this journey here, find more info about me sbmftservices.com or follow me on IG/FB @shannanblummft.
In Health & Wholeness,
Shannan
