Introduction
Hey there, friends, welcome!
Ever wondered how this whole mindfulness thing can help you rock at setting and maintaining boundaries? I mean, let’s face facts here, boundary-setting can be as stressful as trying to untangle earphones on a Monday morning. But fear not, my friend, because mindfulness is here to save the day!
Picture yourself dipping your toe into the world of mindfulness, and one day you notice yourself paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally… then you sit back, sip your favorite cuppa of tea and wonder, “How did I just do that?” Jon Kabat-Zinn, the OG mindfulness guru, did some really amazing stuff back in ’79 when he gathered a bunch of chronically ill patients who disappointed with traditional treatments. They embarked on his stress-reduction program, which we now know as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). If you want to dig deeper into Jon’s awesomeness and even try some of his meditations, check out this link. Trust me, it’s worth it!
So, what’s mindfulness all about? It’s like wearing self-awareness goggles and not getting too attached to the thoughts, sensations, and emotions that pop up. You become the Sherlock Holmes of your own mind, observing the stories you tell yourself about your experiences and relationships. Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), once said that it’s those stories and beliefs about events, not the events themselves, that really drive us bonkers.
First, the Challenge of Learning New Things
Now, here’s the unfortunate catch: If you’re already experiencing anxiety, depression, or trauma, this heightened self-awareness might feel like finding yourself in a crowded elevator with your ex and a clown (clowns really freak me out, btw!). Yep, it can be uncomfortable. The reality is that initially the more you notice those thoughts, emotions, and sensations, the more likely you are to tap into some serious distress. I know, I know – right about now you’re wondering how on earth this is going to turn out well, but don’t click “x” yet, we’re just getting started!
In all seriousness though, you’re probably wondering how mindfulness can actually help you set and maintain boundaries without adding to the stress fest. Well, dear one, here’s the secret sauce: Until you become more aware and less judgmental of your amazing self, you won’t know which badass tools and skills to whip out to effectively manage that distress. It’s a bit like realizing things that feel “good” might not be good for you, and things that feel “bad” might not be bad for you. Mind-blowing, right?
Oh, and here’s a nugget of truth that will make your head spin and question a few things: The distress we experience when setting and maintaining our self-respecting limits (boundaries) comes from the stories we tell ourselves and actually believe. This might sound a bit hippy-dippy, but truly we end up experiencing more distress by thinking it’s all part of some permanent-based thinking like, “It’s just the way I’m made” or “How life always turns out for me.” So, hold on tight, because we’re about to turn this narrative upside down!
Benefits of Mindfulness
Mindfulness is like having a superpower that helps you know yourself better and guides you through self-soothing, problem-solving, validation, communication, and, of course, boundary setting. It’s your escape hatch out of the land of permanence. The more you engage in different mindfulness practices, the more you’ll understand the temporary nature of your thoughts, feelings, and even physical sensations. And guess what? That understanding will save you from making impulsive, rash decisions and help you find the sweet spot where emotions and reason hang out together, making healthy and effective choices.
Now, brace yourself for the grand reveal! Here are ten benefits of mindfulness that even make the American Psychological Association (APA) go, “Whoa!”
- Reduced rumination (less overthinking, more living)
- Reduced stress responses (sayonara, stress monsters!)
- Boosted working memory (hello, laser focus!)
- Improved focus and concentration (adios, distractions!)
- Reduced emotional reactivity (no more rollercoaster rides!)
- Increased cognitive flexibility (you’ll be a mental gymnast!)
- Improvements in relationship satisfaction (happy dances all around)
- Improved self-insight (gaining wisdom like a boss)
- Improvements in self-trust and intuition (hello, inner guru!)
- Improved fear management (fear, meet your match!)
And guess what? All ten of these benefits become little cheerleaders, rooting for you as you set those boundaries and respect your amazing self.
As if all that weren’t incredible enough, we’re not done yet! Here are some questions I developed just for you that will blow your mind and increase your mindfulness. Grab a journal and tackle one question per day like a champ:
Boundaries Awareness:
- Who’s allowed in your inner, middle, and outer boundary circles? Make a list for each circle. (Link to Boundary Circles worksheet here.
- What values and character traits do you desire for those in your Inner Circle? List at least five.
- What makes someone move between your boundary circles? Spill the beans.
- What automatically kicks someone out of the Inner Circle? Sayonara, amigo!
- What are the differences between the desired Inner Circle values and the actual ones? Give a couple of examples.
- What are three small changes you can make with your boundaries to increase the desired Inner Circle values? You got this!
Mindfulness Support:
- When you consider Inner Circle boundary changes, what three feelings come up for you? Let it all out.
- Close your eyes, take deep breaths (4-5 times), and notice where those feelings are in your body. Give them a thorough observation and description.
- Take four more breaths and imagine creating space for those feelings like an expanding balloon. What do you notice as you do this? It’s like a magic hack for your mind!
- Imagine what you’d say to a loved one experiencing the same feelings. Write it down and then tweak the pronouns to make it about you. Be your own best friend (also commonly known as The Double Standard Technique).
- Check in again and observe the same original feelings and sensations in your body. You’re on a journey of self-discovery noticing any changes!
- Keep breathing deeply, allowing the sensations and repeating the phrase, “allow, allow, allow.” It’s like giving your emotions a big ol’ hug.
- Identify two situations where this exercise will help you accept your feelings and body sensations more. You’re expanding your emotional horizons!
- How can you compassionately support yourself through this? List three ways to be your own friend.
Phew! That was one wild ride, but you made it! Once you let your self-awareness soar, you’ll be armed with the knowledge to make decisions in a more effective and satisfying way. So, when it comes to boundary-setting, mindfulness is your ultimate wingman. Instead of backing off important limits, you’ll be able to manage your thoughts, feelings, and sensations like a boss. Long-term relief, baby!
So go forth, embrace your mindfulness powers, and protect and preserve the most important things in your life like the badass boundary-setter you were meant to be!
You got this!
In Health & Wholeness,
Shannan
For more information on boundaries, boundary circles and how to improve them with mindfulness, sign up for Mini-courses here: https://sbmftservices.com/bound101 or a MasterCourse on boundaries here: https://sbmftservices.com/boundmc. Better yet, you’ll get them all free if you join as a Founding Member of my Kairos Transformation Method Coaching services where I use integrative & holistic skills to help you find more harmony & balance in your life.
In Health & Wholeness,
Shannan
