Introduction
Surviving is necessary at times, but honestly, we experience so much more meaning and purpose when we’re thriving.
Here are a few tips from a therapist, coach, and Mom of four adult kids on how to not just gut-it-out but to really enjoy your holidays.
This comes from my personal experience about 23 years ago, when I was about to deliver my youngest child in December. I canceled everything, anticipated being worn out, prepped as much as I could with meals, etc. and HANDS-DOWN had the best holiday season EVER.
This gave me pause. How could I keep that process going year-to-year?
It can be difficult because we place a lot of meaning in the holidays – getting just the right gift, worrying about what others will or won’t think, managing expectations, parties, shopping, etc.
So get ready, here’s a bit of a Holiday Thrive Guide!
Tip #1: Intentionality
Cultivate willingness to shift your mind set and align your actions with that mindset:
“I am in charge of only me, my perspective and how I experience things around me. I can experience the holiday seasons how I want to.”
Be proactive, not reactive.
Tip #2: Circles of Influence
Draw two concentric circles, or download this free worksheet here
In the inner circle (darker blue on the handout), is “ME”, the next circle (white on the handout) is your Circle of Influence/Control.
- List the things you’re actually in charge of
- You’ll find it’s mostly about you:
- Your thoughts, feelings, opinions, decisions, statements, reactions, wants, desires, etc.
Outside the circle is your “Out of My Control” Zone (light blue on the handout)
- List the things that are out of your control
- You’ll find it’s mostly things about others or the environment:
- The weather
- Other people’s thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions, wants, statements they make, etc.
Tip #3: Create Intentional Action
Grab a journal or sheet of paper, get comfy in a private area and take about 30 minutes to ask yourself (and answer) the following questions.
1) What do I want to experience versus want to avoid?
Sometimes it’s super helpful to know what we don’t want. However, we can get stuck there focusing on what we AREN’T getting/doing/feeling. In this question, focus on what you DO want for yourself. Pay particular attention to all the things you will be able to impact, shift, or create for yourself.
2) What is my ‘why’ – identify the motivation behind your wants and actions.
Notice how your values influence this, your meaning and interpretation of things. You might surprise yourself here if you haven’t done this exercise before.
Tip #4: Fill up First
If you go in the stressful times of the holidays already below ¼ tank, odds are pretty good you’re gonna feel depleted runnin’ on empty.
- Take deliberate steps to rejuvenate your energy after you engage in depleting activities even if they are also fun.
- Rest, hydrate, set reasonable limits on your time and energy.
Tip #5: Identify expectations and then restate them as boundary statements of self-respecting limits.
Here are some suggestions/guides:
Expectation: that my kids will all get along, including spouses.
- Boundary: If my kids and/or spouses begin arguing, I will excuse myself to go take a walk and won’t “take sides.”
Expectation: I will be given a very special gift by my spouse because that means I’m loved.
- Boundary: If I don’t perceive I’m feeling connected to my spouse, I’ll suggest we take time together and not make it about the gift.
Tip #6: Book-end Self-Care
This is really about reprising Tip #4
- Make book-ends of self-care that sustain you and help you recover from taxing events or experiences.
For instance, I really don’t enjoy holiday shopping. So typically, before I go I make sure I’ve had a relaxing morning, am well fed, and have my favorite flavored water with me. When I get home, I take a bath!
Tip #7: Let Go & Be Balanced
What can you let go or rearranged so you feel more balanced in energy, monetary resources, and time?
Conclusion
Tackling the holidays with intentionality, purpose, a plan, fueling up and resting and knowing what to let go… can help you avoid “survival mode” and enter into “thriving mode” instead.
Here’s hoping you’ll experience your holidays in a much more satisfying and balanced manner, rather than feeling like you need a vacation from vacation time!
In Health & Wholeness,
Shannan
