Introduction
Knowing you need to set boundaries is one thing, but let’s face it, it’s easier said than done. You’re definitely not alone in this struggle, boundaries can be a real challenge, both for the giver and the receiver. But hang in there, because I’ve got some somatic skills to chat about today that can help you navigate this boundary-setting business with a bit more clarity.
Elements of Healthy Boundaries
Before we can explore the nitty-gritty of boundary setting, it’s important to understand the basics of what makes a boundary healthy and effective. Consider the following:
1) Understand your own feelings, wants, and thoughts.
2) Know your limits around those gems, and
3) Get crystal clear about what action or consequence will follow when your boundaries are not observed. This is because your boundaries are about YOU, not getting someone else to do anything (or stop doing something).
4) And finally, express your limits and consequences with clarity and confidence.
Simple, right? Well, not always, I know. That’s because our emotions cloud this process. We’ve been conditioned to interact in certain ways, putting other people’s wants, desires, and feelings ahead of our own to “keep the peace,” yeah?
So this feels hard, because we don’t want to feel the feelings around it, or deal with other people’s feelings.
Distress Tolerance
So, distress tolerance skills are skills we use when we don’t want to do something that would make matters worse. In boundary setting – that means caving in on your limits. Setting and holding boundaries can definitely be a bit of a bumpy ride, because most people use the word “boundaries” when they really mean “control.”
Boundaries don’t give you license to intimidate, threat, or manipulate others. The only person who can respect your boundaries…is you! In this way, it can challenge your beliefs and push you out of your comfort zone when you have an action to take. That’s where somatic skills come in handy. Take a deep breath, and consider using these four body-based skills to help you build up your distress tolerance.
4 Somatic Skills to Help with Boundaries
Deep Breathing: Yes, it’s cheesy and misapplied in a lot of ways, but deep breathing is a powerful tool for calming your nerves and reducing stress and anxiety. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, your breath tends to go all wonky, making hard to think clearly. So, find a comfy spot, take a deep breath in through the nose, let it fill your lungs and deep down into your belly, hold it for a second or two, and then slowly exhale, releasing all that tension. You can also find some other breathing skills here. “Calm the body, calm the mind,” I always say.
Grounding Skills: Sometimes you just need to get “down to earth,” right? Well in this sense, I mean it literally. Grounding techniques help you feel present and connected to the here and now, easing overwhelm and anxiety. You do this by feeling the earth beneath you. Kick off those shoes, wiggle those toes, and connect with nature’s elements. Feel the sand, grass, dirt, or even rocks under your bare feet. Let those sensations link you to the stability of the earth, and bring you back to the present moment instead of worrying about some future maybe.
Body Awareness: Your body usually knows what’s up. For real. Body awareness is all about tuning in to those physical sensations and noticing any tension or discomfort – not ignoring it. If you ignore it, the mind can actually escalate the body responses and it can feel like you’re having a false alarm inside. Learning to scan your body from head to toe, and as you come across those pesky areas of tension, breathe into them and imagine them softening and releasing. Over time, your mind will function with more clarity.
Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is really the secret sauce in the recipe. When it comes to setting boundaries, those sneaky false beliefs creep in, making you feel like somethin’s wrong with YOU. But, it’s just not so! Mindfulness and self-compassion provide the gateway to treating yourself with kindness and understanding, just like you would to a struggling child or your bestie. Kick that inner critic to the curb and welcome your wise woman with open arms. This skill does a long way for tolerating distress more easily.
Conclusion
Setting and holding boundaries may not be a breeze, but with these somatic skills in your toolbox, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the rocky terrain. Deep breathing, grounding techniques, body awareness, and self-compassion will help you increase self-trust and self-awareness, giving you more options for problem-solving and improving your relationships.
So, take a deep breath, ground yourself, tune in to your body, and be kind to yourself along the way.
Work with Me
My Kairos Transformation Memberships are both self-paced and coach-assisted. I’ll help you elevate your well-being and create lasting transformation as your dedicated Integrative Somatic Practitioner & Holistic Coach. Using a unique blend of integrative, body-based, and cognitive skills, I’ll guide you on your profound journey of healing emotional wounds, conquering anxiety, fostering nourishing relationships, and shedding self-doubt.Â
Let’s collaborate to reclaim your inner resilience, rediscover your story, and rebuild a life of vibrant holistic wellness.
Click here for more information or here to schedule a free consultation.Â
Follow me on FB/IG/TT @shannanblummft
