Introduction
Hi friend, here’s a quick review why coaching or therapy isn’t for “everyone else,” but can help you, too! I get asked a lot of questions from people about why/when someone might require help. My standard answer, “Yesterday.” Seriously though, all y’all are in a position to benefit from support – no one is above it, especially after the Pandemic.
I get it, you have beliefs that only crazy people need help, or it has to be “really bad,” right? And right about now you’re likely fixin’ an argument why you personally don’t need support, but it could be okay for someone else you know. You may wonder how working with a coach or therapist will reflect on you … as a parent, wife, person, etc. It’s understandable because people have a lot of feelings about this topic.
Some Surprising Facts
I’m just going to “out this” right now – we ALL experience struggles in life that can be considered a “mental health event.” Facts. These could be job losses, broken relationships, death, divorce, births, illnesses and injuries, etc. If you add onto those any critical issues of economic, racial, or cultural oppression, it should come as no surprise that across all age groups in America, mental wellness is a PROBLEM. And I haven’t even factored in the Pandemic!
Dr. Vivek Murthy, the US Surgeon General recently released “New Surgeon General Advisory Raises Alarm about the Devastating Impact of the Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation in the United States.” He states: “Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives,Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity, and substance use disorders. Together, we can build a country that’s healthier, more resilient, less lonely, and more connected.” 1
Coaches, in particular, can provide an authentic relationship foundation where you are validated and supported as you build self-trust and elevate harmony and balance moving forward.
Just so we’re on the same page, here are some other surprising facts that might help you understand a little bit more about why I think coaching and/or therapy is helpful for everyone:
- In late June of 2022, 40% of U.S. adults reported struggling with mental health or substance use.
- One in six U.S. youth aged 6-17 experience a mental health disorder each year.
- Half of all lifetime mental illness begins by age 14, and 75% by age 24.
- Depression alone costs the nation about $210.5 billion annually.
- The average time between onset of mental illness symptoms and treatment is 11 years.
- Transgender adults are nearly 12 times more likely to attempt suicide than the general population.
- The most common mental illnesses in the U.S. are anxiety disorders, which affect 40 million adults (18.1% of the population).2
Which one of those ten surprised you the most? Frankly, I was stunned that the average time from when people first notice their symptoms until treatment begins is 11 years. WOW!
So, here’s a beautiful truth people, you go to your medical doctor for yearly physicals, you take your dog to the vet, and you even take your damn vehicle in for service – so why not do the same for yourself and get the help of a wellness coach or a mental health therapist if that’s what is needed? We all require support – coaches and therapists included.
So here they are, my 5 Reasons You Really Need A Coach or Therapist (with some kind truth-bombs as to why):
#1 – Learn New Skills AND Maintenance/Support – NOT Crisis Management:
Most people view getting help of any kind (doctor, cars, animals) the same way you view your fire alarm: “To Be Used In Case of Emergency.” If you see it as crisis management, something reserved for only the darkest of moments, it’s no wonder you have strong aversion to getting support. Newsflash: you might have a difference response if you realize that even if you are incredibly well-adjusted, you can always learn about more about yourself and your relationships. Coaching and therapy can be a way to keep exploring, growing and developing your sense of self, deepening your abilities at being more effective. Life presents challenges and you can keep adapting effectively.
#2 – Your Besties & Relatives May Not Be As Helpful As You Think
Another truth-bomb, folks: Your besties and family care for you and may be well-intentioned, but your mental health ain’t their wheelhouse! None of us is completely rational or objective about our own lives or those we love/care for. We are simply too connected emotionally to our own experiences and the stories we believe they mean about us (or those close to us). Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (part of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy school of thought), believed that it wasn’t so much the events of our lives that create problems for us but our beliefs about those events that create the problems.3 Especially when emotions run high, we often behave poorly or are easily confused about the most effective course. Plus, sometimes, others are just too biased or have their own agenda for us.
#3 – Honestly, Friend, What You’re Doing Just Ain’t Working
I could list a whole lot of ‘things’ here as examples – but the gist of it is this: if you feel yourself “running in place” despite all this effort, and the same emotional issues, self-defeating behaviors or ‘auto-pilot’ responses seem to return, consider getting some objective eyes on your situation from a coach or therapist. Maybe you’re actually quite aware of the unhealthy behaviors (like overeating, excessive drinking or sleeping, or self-harming) and you require an impartial person to help you see the contributing factors and pathway forward out of it. Coaches even more than therapists can help you gain understanding about what’s prevented you from progressing so you can move into a healthier and effective place now, most therapies focus more on functional improvements or delving into past factors influencing you currently.
#4 – Productive Struggle is Good For You
Yep, you read that right – struggle is good for you. Productive struggle, that is. This whole idea of removing obstacles from in front of us is bat-shit crazy! Seriously, if we have to remind ourselves “the obstacle IS the way,” we’ve lost touch from our natural, inherent desire to problem-solve, change, and improve. Ever seen toddler fall on the ground when they’re learning to run and just lay there, “It’s too hard, I give up, I can’t do it!” No? Me neither. Because in our DNA is a desire to overcome and adapt. Research also support this that there are certain portions of the brain that require moderate struggle in order to grow and enlarge.4 Not overwhelm, but a challenge. Coaching or therapy can provide a safe place for exploring productive struggle and progress. Give it a go!
#5– Denial increases Pain & Suffering
Denying your reality as it currently is just increases suffering. Pain is unavoidable, but suffering happens by adding non-acceptance to pain. Effective supports like a coach or therapist, can help you learn how to accept reality, so you don’t bring on more suffering by refusing to accept reality. Radical Acceptance is not the same thing as being complacent or agreeing with your reality – it’s totally okay to NOT like it, not endorse what brought you here. The key here is understanding that refusal to accept reality hinders your problem-solving, power, or insight. It means you accept your current reality could not be anything other than what it is. So, rather than spin those wheels in mud, buckle up, friend and face reality on it’s own terms. To deny or ignore it reduces your ability to problem solve, whereas accepting it helps you be more effective in your own life – whatever that might look like for you.
Conclusion
Ready to invest in yourself in these ways – well lucky for you I’m both a therapist AND a coach! If you’re interested in learning more about learning how to elevate harmony & balance in your life using integrative and holistic skills – I’m your person! Give a look at my Kairos Transformation coaching services, or go to my website and peek around: www.sbmftservices.com.
In Health & Wholeness,
Shannan
Resources:
1https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/03/new-surgeon-general-advisory-raises-alarm-about-devastating-impact-epidemic-loneliness-isolation-united-states.html
2 https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/external/2020/11/10-surprising-mental-health-statistics-from-2020/#:~:text=In%20late%20June%2C%2040%25%20of,nation%20about%20%24210.5%20billion%20annually.
3https://www.mentalhelp.net/psychotherapy/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt/
4Shiram, Rishi. (2020, April 13). The Neuroscience Behind Productive Struggle. Edutopia. (https://www.edutopia.org/article/neuroscience-behind-productive-struggle).
